I Just Can’t Keep Up Anymore

TokyoTrain72

I just can’t keep up anymore.

 

I don’t know the contestants on American Idol.

Unfinished projects multiply like swirling fractals.

I can’t even keep up with my emails.

Current count is 4,335 messages in the Inbox.

Should I feel guilty?

Am I failing the exam of modern living?

 

Every morning I begin my day quietly and slowly.

I read. I drink tea. I meditate.

Stillness.

For a nanosecond or two,

Eternity breathes me.

I remember who I am.

I’ve caught up with myself.

And all is well.

Then the whistle blows,

Jarring me from Life to making a living.

I’m already behind.

 

Throughout the day I catch a whiff of Life…

A laugh with a colleague

An unexpected kind word

A darting contentment fleeing the scene like a fugitive.

Mostly though I move faster and faster to the beat of a cyber-drummer,

Further and further from consciousness.

Where do I go during these hours?

 

Eventually the sun retreats, having burned itself out once again.

My ashen spirit mimics twilight’s shifting allegiance

From lusty tangerine to oatmeal to a monochromatic surrender.

 

And then, in the wan eventide, grace saturates the pallor…

A walk with a wire fox terrier

The simple luxury of tea and a book

My lover’s smile tucking me in the for evening…

My grasping, frantic, never-caught-up mind unclenches its fist

And releases my heart,

Which has known the truth all along:

What’s most worthy of keeping up with

Keeps up with me

Without any effort on my part.

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10 Responses to I Just Can’t Keep Up Anymore

  1. Ellen says:

    Scott dear,
    I love this.
    We are posting it – along with a link to your website – on both of our Facebook pages.
    I know that so many of us can relate!
    Love,
    Ellen

    • scott says:

      Thank you Ellen and thank you for sharing it on Facebook. I’m so glad you found it helpful. Miss you! Love, Scott

  2. Val says:

    Simply lovely.

  3. nancy mccranie says:

    Thanks for speaking the truth in such a heartfelt and evocative way. I love you friend!

    • scott says:

      Thank you! I am thinking of you this week as we pick blueberries. Love you too Nancy!

  4. Stephanie says:

    WOW! This is incredibly beautiful and thought-full. With so many calls (beeps, whistles, ringtones, email, tweets and more), it is a wonder we get anything done and done well. Thank you for taking a few mindful moments to write and muse and share. I am thinking it is okay to “fail the exam of modern living”. Maybe it is time to re-right the exam itself!

    • scott says:

      Thanks Stephanie! And yes, I think you are right. Maybe it is time for a new exam for modern living. Love, Scott

  5. Sarah Hales says:

    Dearest Scott:

    How rawly beautiful your words are in this poem as it massaged my morning with tenderness. I miss your presence in my life and am grateful for your posts – each of them. The older I grow, 63 on June 5th, the more content I am with the simple pleasures. Instead of dog and tea – mine is dog and coffee and beauty. My little backyard is aglow in color.

    Love to you,
    Sarah

    • scott says:

      Thank you Sarah…and Happy Birthday!! I can imagine you, dog and coffee in the glowing backyard. Love what you wrote: “massaged my morning with tenderness”. You have a gift for words. Thank you for adding beauty to my morning. Hope you are flourishing in every way. Love, Scott

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