Shake It Off!

After my mother was diagnosed with cancer, we spent a lot of time together. When I visited on weekends, we would try to have at least one outing to do something she enjoyed. One weekend she was stuck in a very pessimistic, anxious space, even deeper than usual after her diagnosis. As she continued this emotional nosedive, we still kept our commitment to go have some fun. We went to La Cantera, her favorite mall in San Antonio, Texas, which is known for its undulating outdoor paths, streams, quaint cabanas, and oases of lush landscaping.

Our venture to La Cantera, however, did not mitigate the downward spiral. We stopped for some hot tea as the emotional turmoil brewed within her.

In the midst of the overcast mood, we became aware of a mother and her young daughter seated next to us. The little girl was about four years old with numerous shoulder-length, tight brown curls. This little princess, however, was not getting her way about something. Nothing her mother said assuaged her, and her disappointment boiled over into a full-blown public tantrum.

The mother turned to her seemingly demon-possessed daughter, looked her in the eye and lovingly yet firmly instructed her, "Shake it off!" The little girl became still for a nanosecond and then began shaking her entire body with gusto, her bouncing curls flailing back and forth like a poodle after a bath. After about 30-seconds of "shaking it off", her mother asked, "How are you now?" "All better Mommy!" she enthusiastically replied.

My mother and I looked at each other and could not stop giggling. More dark steps loomed on the horizon as my mother continued her journey with cancer. When the fear, anger and sadness would on occasion spiral downward from a normal emotional reaction into despair, then we would remember that little girl. My mother would shake her head vigorously until she felt she was in a better space.

Tragedies and unpleasant emotions are unavoidable. The only way out is through. When, however, we find ourselves stuck in a place that is unhealthy, counterproductive or self-destructive, perhaps there's no better medicine than starting a wiggle that builds into a frenetic, full-bodied gyration, like a whirling dervish caught up in the divine. The cobwebs clear as the outer movement stirs inner movement. As we literally shake it off, we may discover that the body is a most trustworthy ally in the search for peace of heart, mind and soul.

P.S. If you want to "shake off" old ways of relating to the divine in favor of images and practices that are meaningful for you today, join us this Saturday, December 1 for a day retreat. Registration closes Thursday, November 29 at noon. For more information and to register, check out the Classes page.

How Many Light Bulbs Does It Take to Change a Person?

This week I unleash my "Inner Geek" with a Star Trek reference. In an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Captain Picard is interrogated by a sadistic captor, Gul Madred. Day after day, Madred tells Captain Picard to look at an overhead lamp with four light bulbs. He asks Picard, "How many lights do you see?" When Captain Picard responds with the correct number, he is tortured and starved. Madred wants Captain Picard to claim that he sees five lights, when, in fact, there are only four. Shortly after he is rescued, Captain Picard confesses to his ship's counselor that toward the end of his captivity he believed he could see five lights. Self-delusion is a common occurrence, particularly when we are under duress. It's easy to see it in others. The homophobic preacher battling his own repressed sexual orientation. The "peace" activist who is angry and belligerent.

Of course, by definition, we tend not to see our own self-delusions. We may see ourselves as basically kind, generous, virtuous, open-minded or sophisticated. We tend not to see, however, the times in which we are or have the capacity to be mean-spirited, greedy, promiscuous, judgmental or a total geek.

Self-delusions can be a gift.  In a crisis, we only see the part of reality we can actually process. In our formative years, the emerging ego creates a partially-true identity that helps us navigate the tricky social structures in which we live. However, to be mature and whole and avoid self-sabotage, these delusions must eventually give way to a more accurate perspective.

When I was in Japan, I went to verdant Mount Koya-san. Accessed only by funicular, over 100 Buddhist temples populate its slopes. At the temple where I spent the night, guests are invited each morning to join the monks for a fire ceremony.  All of the monks except one sit together on the right side of a screen that divides the temple in half. They play drums and chant while surrounded by massive urns that house their sect's sacred scrolls. On the other side of the partition sits one monk stoking a large fire. The fire symbolizes the goal of the chanting meditation, which is not only to burn away our self-delusions, but also to illuminate them when they return throughout the day so that we can make more conscious choices that are appropriate for the moment.

Besides meditation, methods of burning away and illuminating self-delusions include:

• Ask a partner or trusted friend for honest feedback without defending yourself
• Pause for self-reflection once in a while when you sense an unseemly urge, thought or feeling emerge within you
• Journal about what you consider to be unbearable in other people and then get real about the ways in which you behave (or are trying with every fiber of your being not to behave) in a similar way
• Lighten up. These self-delusions are part of the human coping system and are not unique to you. When from a place of objectivity you see them for what they are, there's no need to take them personally or too seriously. You might even laugh at yourself...and everyone else.

What have you found helpful in illuminating your self-delusions? Please share your ideas in the comments section below.

Illuminating our self-delusions takes courage to boldly go within in order to become more present, clear and real in our daily lives. Every time we see through a delusion, we have an "aha" experience as a light bulb goes on. How many such light bulbs does it take to change a person? Who knows? Wisdom is less about changing and more about accepting the fullness of who we are, as we are, and then choosing to act from our brighter nature.  I can think of at least five Star Trek references I could use to make this point crystal clear, but I am choosing not to unfurl my Inner Geek again...for the moment.

The Crescent Sun

"You are perfect just as you are. And you can use a little improvement." Suzuki Roshi

This is one of my favorite quotes because it gets to the heart of our human predicament. We are part perfect and part neurotic, part evolving stardust and part self-absorbed couch potato, part divine and part selfish pig. The journey toward maturity and wholeness travels through the uncomfortable terrain of this paradox.

This past Sunday I watched the moon journey across the sky to eclipse the sun. As the moon obscured the sun's radiance, an unusual phenomenon occurred. The crescent sun created crescent shadows. Then, at the peak of the eclipse, the moon upstaged the sun's brilliance to form a mischievous Cheshire-cat grin.

This astronomical moment reminds me of our human condition: a centered Source of Brilliance orbited and occluded by ego's stony mass. Our inner greatness casts long shadows when ego blocks its light. The ego, which helps us survive by creating stories and strategies to cope with life, takes itself a bit too seriously. As those stories and strategies calcify into rigid ways of thinking and a defended self-image, we experience ourselves more as stony mass and less as Inner Brilliance.

That stony mass we've built up over a lifetime isn't going anywhere. So you can stop wasting energy trying to get rid of it or pretty it up. It is what it is. A more productive pursuit is to focus on embodying your Inner Brilliance each day. When you do that, ego's stories seem less solid. Is that really true about me, about that other person, about how life works? Are there other possibilities? Is there room for some light here?

When you step more fully into your human potential, don't be surprised if the most unattractive, controlling, selfish parts of yourself also arise and try to eclipse your sunlight. Ego's job is to maintain a comfortable homeostasis, and growth is rarely comfortable. So don't freak out when you cast crescent shadows. This is normal. With time and intention, you can become more skilled at seeing and navigating your ego's patterns so that eclipses become rarer and your true humanity shines more freely and brilliantly. Who knows? Perhaps the crescent shadow you've been casting is a sign that a luminous part of you is ready to blaze like never before.

Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," Sigmund Freud Even Freud sensed that the complex work of psychoanalysis could take itself so seriously that it found sexually-charged, repressed monsters everywhere in the psyche. To balance this perceived over-emphasis on the darker aspects of the psyche, Roberto Assagioli, an Italian contemporary of Freud, created a school of psychology known as Psychosynthesis.

Assagioli sought a more well-rounded approach in which the spiritual aspects of the psyche become an intentional part of the growth process. He believed that each of us has a unifying center, which contains an Observant Self and the will. The will is not characterized by willfulness but rather a sense of willingness to accept and integrate what is present. From this center, we can observe, harmonize, integrate and direct the various parts of the psyche.

The wonderful thing about this work is that it can be fun. Rather than years focused on navel gazing in which we see only lint and the failures of our parents, this approach uses drawing, imagination, guided imagery and other techniques to move us toward wholeness. Assagioli even believed that when we engage in this kind of personal growth and self-realization, we are doing nothing less than participating in the evolution of humanity.

While this school is very positive in its outlook, a major focus of the work is to befriend the "sub-personalities" that sabotage us. Simply put, sub-personalities are powerful, largely unconscious, psychic patterns from early life that easily hijack us. Psychosynthesis teaches us to become a conductor of sub-personalities who takes the cacophony of these often dissonant voices and brings them into harmony to sing the same song. The key, as with all spiritual and psychological work, is to accept and befriend whatever we find.

Here's a very simple practice based on Assagioli's work:

• Spend a minute observing the thoughts that enter your awareness.
• Notice that during that minute your thoughts changed, perhaps even contradicted each other. This shows that while you have thoughts, you are not your thoughts. There is some other part of you that is observing the constant flow.
• Now spend another minute with your thoughts. This time see if you can also become aware of the part that is witnessing your changing thoughts.
• This Observant Self is the part of you that notices your thoughts (or feelings or physical sensations) without becoming them, taking them too seriously or making them your identity.
• Cultivating awareness of your Observant Self frees you to make a conscious, appropriate choice in any situation.

If you would like to learn more about Psychosynthesis and its tools for integrating your life, then please join us on Saturday, June 16 for a retreat day entitled "Path to Wholeness: Harmonizing the Conflicting Parts of Ourselves". It will be held in San Anselmo, CA.

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